Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
