Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
