could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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