Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
