meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
