the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want a musical about memes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
