Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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