We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
