Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
