I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
