I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This baby is an asshole
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
