I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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