What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can you bring me the toilet please
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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