Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
