Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's always time for handjobs
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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