i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
