woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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