oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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