i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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