yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
