I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize