I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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