dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
