You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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