His pubic hair was longer than his dick
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
