...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
