so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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