is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
