Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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