If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
kristin has been a bad kristin
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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