I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize