Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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