evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
