It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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