even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
whose parrot is this?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
