I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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