last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
