I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
