we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
