Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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