Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
