I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
