i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
