Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
