So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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