I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
