i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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