if only i could text you this smell
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
