I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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