i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
