Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
