I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
