plz talk dirty to me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
