he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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