Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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