Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize