So drunk its hurt
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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