i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
