I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
