Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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