Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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