OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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