How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
