K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
