Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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