I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
